Words matter
Because I’m a secular Jewish rabbi on the internet, a lot of people write to me with questions about what it all means, how one does/ is Jewish in a cultural way, and why. There are many answers but I often tell people that one of the main aspects of secular humanistic Judaism that draws people to our communities is that we say what we believe and we believe what we say. There are many folks who tell us that they would sit in traditional prayer services and be so turned off by “our father, our king” and “creator of the universe” type phrasing. They just didn’t believe the words and thought they had to say those words, or at least be in spaces where others say them, in order to express their Jewishness.
It is so affirming when we don’t have to pretend; when we come to a place where the words really do reflect what we believe. (For one such place — online — check out SecularSynagogue.com. We’d love to have you!
Some Jewish movements try to get around the problem of the words by translating the Hebrew creatively (Yahweh becomes “Goddess” or “divine spirit”). But the words being said in the Hebrew are unchanged. Some folks say they see those words as metaphor. Again, if that works for people then that’s fine. It doesn’t work for me. When people say that God “created the fruit of the vine” either “he” did or he didn’t. I don’t want to say it if I don’t think it’s true, especially because my expression of Judaism is my connection to my spiritual, deepest, most personal self. If I can’t be authentic about it then I really don’t see the point.
Lately I’ve been thinking about this whole “say what we believe and believe what we say” thing in other contexts. When people ask us how we are doing, we usually say “fine.” But are we fine? When others make comments that are hurtful, are we honest about it? Do we say what we mean in relationships? What about when we’re fighting with someone... do we ever say things we actually don’t mean because we are angry?
I want to apply the same integrity I have about what I’ll say Jewishly to what I’ll say in the rest of my life too. There are Jewish teachings about this... there’s a Jewish idea that what’s in the heart and what’s on the lips should go together. There’s the Jewish idea of wicked speech/tongue (lashon hara) which is hurtful speech or gossip. We are told in Judaism that words matter. And they do.
When you were a kid, if someone teased you, an adult might have said something like “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” I think we fail kids when we say that. Words do hurt. A lot. Sometimes much worse than physical hurts. We should be teaching kids to be very careful with their words. We should be teaching them about the integrity that comes with saying what they believe and ensuring their words aren’t meant to hurt others. These are Jewish teachings broadly, and are secular humanistic Jewish teachings especially. Let our words be a force for good.
Do you have this guide yet? It’s here for free! Happy holidays!
Do you have this guide yet? It’s here for free! Happy holidays!