Tu B’shvat, Valentines Day, and Shabbat

Tu B’shvat is the New Year of the Trees. It’s a great time for a winter walk! Where I am we have a ton of snow. I just went out and saw pretty snow, trees, and a deer! The natural world reminds us that life has cycles. A time to rest and a time to rally. The former gives rise to the latter. We say about the wintery trees “the sap is rising”. What is rising in you?

From today’s walk - a snowy river scene and a deer (not visible) just between the trees.

Today is also a day to celebrate love. I hope you are feeling loved today! I am sending you some love now. In a world of hate — and a lot of it circulating with force lately — it’s good to remind ourselves of how much love there really is.

Yesterday I was part of a group of rabbis who signed a statement and took out a full page ad in the NYT that says “Jewish people say no to ethnic cleansing”.

I got a lot of angry messages. Honestly, I am very saddened and shocked that any Jew could oppose this message. But yet….
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Many of us who signed received a lot of messages declaring/decrying us “self-hating” Jews or questioning our Judaism altogether. Here’s why that stinks and it’s not for the reason you might think.

To be clear, I have been called a “fake Jew” a million times. Because I’m intermarried and officiate intermarriages. Because I am an atheist rabbi. Because I run a community called Secular Synagogue. Because of my stance on Israel/Palestine. Does this make me sad? Not a little. I am in a place where I am so strong and secure in my Jewish identity and practice that it’s easy to block out all that noise.

Why is it sad then? It’s sad for the very Jews hurling the accusations that their view of Jews and Judaism is so small. It’s sad that they take our beautiful and complex and rich culture, traditions, holidays, and rituals, and reduce it to a boring game of gatekeeping. It’s sad for Jews at the start of carving out a Jewish life who are met with this vitriol and give up on it altogether.
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This applies to other forms of hate too. I feel sorry for antisemites who see the world in such small and often distorted ways, living in such fear that they need a scapegoat to make sense of their world.
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I feel sorry for transphobes who are so afraid to let go of rigid gender roles that they sacrifice some of their own experience of emotion or relationship.
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To be clear, the victims of transphobes, antisemites, Jewish gatekeepers etc have it worse and I’m on their side. But we also get to live lives of authenticity, beauty, humour, joy. We get to build and find community that is way more accepting, deep, and, honestly, fun, Look at the haters and then look at us. Our lives our brighter and richer. Why? Because when we are secure and strong in who we are we know their hate is a reflection of them, not us. And because love is always, always, a better driver of our life-force than hate.

So what to do in a hateful world?
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Celebrate all the forms of love this V-day. Yesterday when people saw the hate I was receiving, I had people offer to help with childcare, send me dinner, and reach out with loving messages. So much love! Send a message to those you love to say it. And say you’ve got their back.
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Celebrate Tu B’shvat — eat a fruit mindfully and notice its sweetness. Hug a tree (literally or figuratively)

And don’t forget the wisdom of Shabbat. Rest. Chill. And remember just who you are. Who we are. We are the haters’ worst nightmare — living our truth and building beautiful lives and communities. Keep going.
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Love!

Rabbi Denise