Purim and the work of finding joy

In the Jewish month of Adar we are supposed to seek and find joy. This is connected to the holiday of Purim (which is today! Happy Purim!) — a topsy turvy carnival of mask-wearing and merry-making. The whole month is an opportunity to consider how we bring joy into our lives. 

Every month in the Secular Synagogue online community we have a monthly theme to focus on. This month’s theme is joy. One member (who is amazing at following the monthly theme!) planned several activities that would bring her joy: day trips, adventures, meeting with friends. And then she got quite sick. She was concerned about exposure to the Coronavirus and is trying to manage both the unpleasantness of feeling ill, pressure to both come in to and stay home from work, and the feeling of unease (so connected to dis-ease) that is the natural result of our global concern over all things germy right now. She had to cancel all of those joyful activities she had planned. 

Look, there is no getting around it. Sometimes life is not a picnic and it is hard to find joy. That is *exactly* when it is critical we find it. I asked this lovely person (and our whole group) to consider that the “work” of finding joy (anything worthwhile is work, even joy) is to find it even when things overall are not that joyous and great. I encouraged her to find a sense of joy in time to watch a film, snuggle with a blanket, the taste of tea, the sound of a loved one’s voice. I said that the real test of being able to find joy is to find it when it’s hard. 

In my book on Intermarriage the publisher chose the tag line “more joy, less oy” which was taken from the pages about how we have been told marriage/relationships, family discussions and disputes, life in general might or will be filled with tsouris (sorrow). But even difficult conversations and relationships can offer opportunities for joy. When I work with couples and families around intermarriage, if there is a tough decision to be made or conversation to be had I ask them: “how can we make this more fun? How can we bring more joy into it?” When people feel good they come to resolutions sooner. 

So, this month of Adar, how can we make life a little more fun? How can we let go of some “oy” and lean into some “joy”? Even when things are imperfect or difficult. Let’s work to find the fun this month!