On Compassion

Did you know that the word for compassion in Hebrew (rachamim) is rooted in the word womb (rechem)? This is not to say that women are more naturally compassionate, but some Jewish thinkers suggest that when we show our compassion and mercy (the word is used for both), we are giving birth to goodness in the world. 

This month I took an online course on Radical Compassion with scholars like Tara Brach (meditation/compassion researcher), Kristen Neff (self-compassion work), Jon Kabat-Zinn (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction - MBSR), and others. One of the themes that came up again and again was how we need to find compassion for ourselves in order to find compassion for others and, if we are serious about compassion, that compassion has to extend to those with whom we disagree. . 

One of the speakers was Krista Tippett from the podcast On Being (which I love and recommend!). She spoke about how we are now engaged in a kind of political trench warfare. We are dug in, stuck, no way to reach the other side. 

Pursuing the difficult work of self-compassion I tried to look at things I’ve done that I’m not proud of and forgive myself (the sort of teshuvah work we do at the Jewish High Holidays). I also tried to think of and connect with people with whom I disagree to see if we could find some common ground. Is this easy? No! I hate it! :) But is it important? Yes. 

Another really difficult challenge is sending compassion out to people who do bad things. We may not like their choices or behaviour, but it helps to try and seek out their motivation and, despite feeling angry or hurt, connect with their humanity.

I did a little Shabbat Live video on Jewish connections to compassion (click here to see it) and then a funny thing happened: someone created a fake email for me to try to swindle some of my congregants out of money as part of a large-scale scam (you can read more about that one here). I did not love that experience. But what an opportunity to practice radical compassion! I tried to imagine why someone might do this. I tried to tap into the hurt of those who were scammed and send them positive thoughts. This was a terrible thing but/and it’s also wonderful to think about the fact that the reason this scam worked was that so many Jewish people take seriously our ideals around charity/giving/justice. They respond when a rabbi wants to help others. How nice! And the people in charge of the scam? I can’t believe they are really happy and healthy individuals. Only hurt people hurt people. So I sent them some positive thoughts too.

We all wish to be understood. We all could do with a little more compassion. There are many Jewish teachings about compassion but I’m choosing to focus on the root (literally) of the word. What could we birth in ourselves if we showed ourselves more compassion? What could we birth in the world if we gave more compassion to others? 

This was my beloved bicycle and someone stole the back tire. When I went back to retrieve it the whole thing had been stripped down to almost nothing. Sending compassion to the bike thieves as well as all those who have had their beloved bikes/bike parts stolen!